For the past week and a half since the break-up, I've been on an emotional roller coaster. Up and down, up and down, up and down.
"What is the most resilient parasite? Bacteria? A virus? An intestinal worm? An idea. Resilient...highly contagious. Once an idea has taken hold of the brain it's almost impossible to eradicate. An idea that is fully formed-fully understood-that sticks; right in there somewhere."
An idea, the idea of positive thinking. Everyday I've woken up depressed, but then I think of all the amazing things in life, the amazing people that I have met, and I haven't met. She has taught me this. It's really hard to show someone, to tell someone just how much they've impacted your life. I held onto an idea, and in a little ways I'm still holding on to that idea.
Maybe she's not ready to commit now, not willing to be in a relationship. But maybe one day we can be together.
I hold onto this hope, but I don't let it tie me down. The future is so unpredictable, life is so unpredictable. I'm going to go live life, I'm going to go love with all my heart, stand tall. I'm going to become strong and dependable with or without her. I saw her today and I panicked. I was scared, should I say something? Or would I be too scared to go up and take a chance on life?
I did. I stepped up, I talked to her about everything. I wanted to fight for her, not as her boyfriend, simply as a friend. When someone comes into your life and changes everything about the way you think, I want to keep someone like that in my life. I want for the people in my life to know they can depend on me, that they will know that I will fight for them, and never ever give up on them. This will be my strength, this will be my way of living, this is how I will take on this big world...as a little boy.
Pain is a great teacher, and great inspiration, without it...I feel like my writing is horrible haha
So let's just go and live life and grow strong and who knows?
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